theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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