the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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