I wanna bring you to show and tell
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
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I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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