You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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