This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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