That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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