'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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