The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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