i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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