I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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