Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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