Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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