hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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