i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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