i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
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You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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