he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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