I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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