Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize