two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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