now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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