i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
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Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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