I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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