smell my finger.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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