first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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