you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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