I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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