My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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