Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize