I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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