Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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