Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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