I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
People in love make me want to vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize