You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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