it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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