Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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