so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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What happened to fro yo and sex?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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