WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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