morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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