I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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