Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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