I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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