Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize