Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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