I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
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Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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