Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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