i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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