we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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