I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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