I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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