He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
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LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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